and the truth will set u free…so whats truth?
Posted by: Administrator Post date: October 7th, 2009
Been thinking a lot this week. About life and being here and purpose and meaning and love. it really goes to show that love always triumphs over evil. was sitting in charlies 2 weeks ago and tripping out becos of sum meds, and i realised that what i wanted from life was far from just sitting in this hospital bed. so i made the choice to change, and just trust that God will somehow bring me thru, and he has. i ask myself what is truth? is what i believe the truth or am i living in a world of deception. and i had been living lies for a very long time. but its a new season, and i know that the only truth that exists is God’s truth. and his truth = love. unfailing, unfathomable, overcoming love that doesnt judge or condemn, but just loves. Nothing in the whole world can change a person like the love of God. And i know its true because ive lived thru it. many of my previous posts have been questioning, confusion, emotions. just a jumble of broken mess that i am. but last nite as i sat and watched my artwork burning in the fire, i felt freedom. real freedom and like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. i felt peaceful for the first time in months.
the blog that i wrote the other day- im sorry if i offended ppl by my language. But im NOT sorry for speaking out the truth. and that is that we’re all broken, we’re all nothing- unless we have God. its Jesus who took it all for us, and people who try and hide their brokenness from others and themselves, are going to one day wake up to a harsh reality.
i seriously cant understand why ppl wouldnt ask for help, but thats just me. i wear my flaws and my sin on my arms. ive got enough scars to last a lifetime, and i think its almonst a blessing in disguise. i cant hide my struggles from people, therefore i have to deal with them. and by being forced to see who u are when u dont have GOd and u have absolutely nothing is a big enough wake up call for me to flip the switch, turn the tables over, decide to turn my life around.
i dont want to leave this earth without anything to show for it. I dont want to die having done nothing for anyone else and just been used by people. i want to love as much as i can- god and people. and really thats the only thing that matters.
peace for now
corina
da da di da dum
Posted by: Administrator Post date: September 28th, 2009
after a good peaceful sleep of more then 24 hours ive woken back up to reality. yes…the same old reality- my groundhog day. i dont mean to push people away who love me, i just seem to do it automatically. who knows why?
im sitting in the lounge with a heated blacket (arrr soooo good) waiting for the tv program to watch. very mundane. i cooked dinner and thought about life and wat to do and where to go from here.. got bills up and over my head that i have to pay and not a single cent in the bank. such is life, right?
i am feeling rather tired and that i could fall asleep right now, even tho i had a nanna nap. i think im talking shit right now. my mind isnt seeming to function all that well. damn it. too many drugs thru the system i think and i must’ve killed at least half my brain cells and destroyed my liver. “here, have some more drugs” says the doctor…”they’ll help cure ur disease”…. no thanks doc, i tell them. ur medications are what have put me here in the first place.
i swear the mental health system here hands out prozac like its candy, and all the sedatives as well. just sleep ur life away and u’ll end up alrite. yes, thats how its works apparently. do a bit of CBT, confess ur sins and ur saved. pity thats not how it really works.
doctors are a blessing and a curse. they’ve helped me lots but theyve also fucked me up a lot too. gotten me hooked on the valium and having to tell my story as to why i am my miserable self over and over again… kinda gets to u. but then again, its become normal 4 me to have to talk to complete strangers about the intricate details of my life.
meh, cant be stuffed saying any more. time to watch sum tv and stay warm under my heated blacket =)
How art thou, u judgemental prick?
Posted by: Administrator Post date: September 26th, 2009
I decided i hate when ppl think there so fucking righteous, and hypocrites. i dont hate the ppl, i just hate what they do.
Judge others to make urself feel better.
Plaster on a godly face so nobody knows ur secrets.
People that only wana hang with the “good” people.
FUckers that fuck me right over then go about their business like theyve done nothing wrong.
I am waiting for the time when i will see god’s justice come to pass and everyone is put in there place. dont u know that we are all worthless pieces of shit without God??? doesnt ppl realise that? mayb im the only one with enough balls to actually live a real life b4 other ppl and get judged for it.
maybe everybody jus wants to live a fake happy chappy life, when deep down i know u feel so guilty, but ur too chicken shit to go and talk to someone, to ask for help.
or maybe im just crazy? for wanting to be real and not live a lie. i dont need other people telling me im not perfect and i fuck up all the time, i know that already. i have to live with myself 24/7, unlike u who see me for ten minutes and judge me like ur so holy urself.
i dont care wat u think about me. ur probly reading this thinking wat foul language im using or that im really angry, and i am. but at least i dont pretend to be someone im not. ppl who get kicks out of looking down on others becos they’re not as good or as godly as them are more messed up then me… cos one day theyll wake up, look in the mirror, and see what a monster they really are.
i wake up to reality everyday. and its not a great or even good reality, but its reality all the same. and you can try run from it but it will always end up catching up with u. U cant escape from urself, thats one thing ive definately learnt. U can look at who u r face on, see who u really are, and pray to God that he’ll have mercy on u.
thats right im saying all the shit that everybody thinks and nobody says. im not afraid to be judged, im not afraid of wat u think. in fact- what u think of me is none of my business LOL! At least im not running from the facts. and ur opinion doesnt matter to me. the only ppl who’s opinion matters is the ppl who REALLY love u and know who u are, flaws and all.
i know that my weaknesses are obvious. Ive had years of dealing with all of my personal battles being public, right there for everyone to stop and stare. perhaps thats why im voicing this now.
anyway, my point is that we’re all just as fucked up as each other- EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. and without God’s grace we’d all be nothing, just a pile of dust from the earth. i hope ppl realise that in theyre own worlds, cos if u dont, ull wake up one day and realise what a monster u really are.
peace x x x
corina
As the days go by…
Posted by: Administrator Post date: September 25th, 2009
listening to good old silver fox darryl braithewaite- god he makes good music. cant believe its september already. got a high distinction at uni for a peice i wrote about cunts LOL. quite impressed with myself.
so living between friends houses at the moment, my life really is the definition of a poor art student. if i didnt have friends id probly be livin in my car or squatting somewhere- fun. life jus keeps flying by and as i get older wit each passing day i wonder if my life is actually goin anywhere and if i have any purpose at all on this giant piece of land called planet earth. or mayb im jus a floatin mass of atoms. i dont think so… atoms cants possibly feel the way i do sometimes. yet sometimes i feel nothing at all.
Evvvvvvvvveeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy ddddddaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy iiiiiiiiiissssssss soooooooooo looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! minutes seem like hours and hours seem like days. i drag my feet and wonder how the fuk my feet got so fukn dirty. why, why, why??? there’s no point in asking why but i do it anyway. why the fuk do some assholes jus have everything going for them? why do nice guys always finish last? why the fuk do i have to live this life wit all the baggage i carry and why cant i see any fuckin justice in the world??? of course theres no reasonable answers for my questions….
cos thats the way its gona be lil darlin
we’ll go ridin on the horses yeh yeh
way up in the sky lil darlin
and if u fall ill pick u up ill pick u up…
i hope that if i die that song gets played at my funeral. that and Run to Paradise.
sunday arvo
Posted by: Administrator Post date: August 30th, 2009
sitting on the couch n its a sunday afternoon, bored as fuck. i feel like having a party! or goin to the rivervale sunday sess haha havent done that in awhile. under lock and key right now… apparently thats wat friends are for.
im thinking i might leave perth and go to the UK. it would be nice to start life over again. pity the weather there is so shit house, i duno if i could last without the sunshine. life is already depressing enough when the weather is good.
had a full on weekend my body feels like a 50 yr old haha like its aging so damn quickly. it probly is with all the drugs being pumped through it constantly… (not illegal drugs btw i dont do that shit no more).
need a damn nicotine fix but i cant be arsed going outside for a smoke. chain smoking is so much fun when u dont have to move. i could chain smoke everyday and drink coffee and sit in the sun if the sun was out forever. nighttime is so shit cos its always cold and dark and miserable. i’d hate to be a nocternal animal.
i think my brain is producing so many random thoughts today cos i am feeling rather anxious. remember to breathe!!! breathe in, breathe out, keep going and make sure the oxygen gets to my head. mayb my head is just full of air and thats y im able to talk so much shit lol!
got the shakes all over my body. anxiety is a bitch. u’d think i was having some epiletic fit cos my body shakes that much im finding it so hard jus to type right now cos my hands feel like jello with no bones or muscles just fat flopping everywhere all over the keyboard.
Am thinking i should change my life to something different then wat it is now. im not sure exactly wat tho. i wish i was born in the 60’s, i think i wouldve rocked house in that era. free spirited hippies smokin weed and singing under the trees with guitars oh how i wish i could do that now and not look like a freak haha! paint love EVERYWHERE and hug anything that moves… was a good era the 60’s. maybe we should timewarp back to it.
enough from me today… my head is starting to get confused with all this hippy talk. need to go for a smoke and clear my head, get some fresh air into the lungs ahhhh…. thats better. ciao 4 now.
Run away & it all comes back to you
Posted by: Administrator Post date: August 26th, 2009
So, decided to take a break from life on the weekend and go on a road trip. run away from all the shit thats going on in my life. run away from people. run away from fears and decisions needing to be made and crap situations and life in general. had such a bloody good time out on the open road and never felt so FREEEEEE! wind in ur hair, fresh country side, open spaces to run around in. it was like a piece of heaven for a few days.
but driving back to perth and the reality of everything started to seep back in. life’s not all fun and games. its bloody hard work. and ultimately no matter how far u run, ur problems will still follow u. there is no escaping urself. thats what i learnt this weekend on the road. i am always with me, i follow myself everywhere. its a pain in the ass being stuck with urself 24/7.
so now back to real life where there are real problems with no easy fix solutions. shall i bore u with all my issues????????? nah… mayb ill fall asleep and drift off into oblivion… or a nightmare!
waiting for the doctor to come tell me whats the “plan”. should life have a plan? i wonder, or are we better off just jumping in the car and seeing where the road will take us- no map book, no GPS, no knowledge of anything. Just Urself and the road. where would we all end up? probably at the end of life by our own self destruction.
i am my own worst enemy.
i could self destruct if i chose to, like a ticking time bomb i am sitting here waiting waiting waiting for something to start the spark. and off ill go with a big fuckin bang!
i just want some bloody peace in my mind. its so frustrating having to tell urself to shut up all the time. where is peace? where is calmness? where is the fucking serenity?
bang bang bang bang….my head is pounding with a million thoughts that i cant seem to drown out. wash them down with a panadol, it dont work. go to sleep and dream about it. wake up and still be faced with it. thoughts are everywhere, in ur head, in the air, in the tv set! coming at u from a thousand directions like fierce arrows trying to penetrate ur mind and make ur heart bleed.
let emotions fall like a waterfall and it ends up a big whirlpool of mudiness at the bottom. who knows wats in the middle of the mess. an answer to all my questions? or simply nothing- just mess.
my head is warped!
Posted by: Administrator Post date: August 21st, 2009
The past week has been like groundhog day. same thing over and over again. wake up. coffee. cigarette. draw. another coffee and cigarette. sleep sleep sleep. dinner. cigarette. back to sleep.
thats what ive been doing for the last week, and the days are going painfully slow. ready to hit the road and get outta here. time for a road trip i think. my head is just so fucked up and this place is keeping me here, keeping me trapped in my own ridiculous way of thinking.
i confuse myself so much. i dont know wats right, wats wrong. ppl tell me and i want to believe them and i cant. something holds me back.
i had to give away my puppy charlie. i was too sick to look after him, so he went to a better home where they’ll love him and walk him and look after him properly. i kinda miss him, he was so super cute. my mind holds me back from so many things.
warped thinking! its all my brain does. yet i dont even know if its warped & fukd up, i jus think its normal. difficult way to live it is. if i could escape my mind then i would… i wish we could go on vacation from ourselves lol. i’d go travelling for months and years on end! haha! but that wont happen sadly. im stuck with myself. 24/7. it gets tiring being stuck with myself all the time.
mayb thats why ive been sleeping so much. i just dont have the energy atm to hang out with myself.
the impulsiveness takes over
Posted by: Administrator Post date: August 16th, 2009
impulse
spontaneousness
not thinking
acting on… without thought
ends me up in the shits.
painted my nails, had a smoke and thinking wat the world would be like without artists. writers, muso’s, painters, computer nerds, actors.
i think the world would be a rather dull place. but there is a price to pay when u let creativeness rule and emotions fly. ask any artist, the ups and downs of life are so eratic, so uncontrollable. it can take u over without even realising.
up and down, round and round. the circles make me dizzy. every day til u cant handle it anymore- and then, ur best work comes out. why is it that the best stuff is always produced when ur so fukn depressed? its like ur happy and nothing comes out, an emotional void. but when ur down u pour ur heart out for the whole world to know. and everyone can relate to it.
its those universal emotions that we all have that we cannot escape from. we can try, but one day they eventually catch up with us. and it all comes tumbling down.
down down down like fukn niagra falls. give me a break from this shit please.
gobbledigoop
Posted by: Administrator Post date: August 13th, 2009
life is just one big pile of gobbledigoop… a big mess… a rubbish tip that we live in and have to dig thru to find something thats valuable. sifting and sifting thru all the crap, it takes it out of u, it drains u like the water being sucked down the bathdrain…a spiral going down that ripples thru every aspect of ur life.
how the fuk do we sort the shit out from the good? how do we even know whats shit and whats good??? the mind is so decieving, so cunning and vicious and lies to us. my mind lies to myself and i believe it- so then its not really lies is it- its the truth. my truth. that i have to live with every single day.
escape the truth the lies the deception how do we fly away to a better place where none of this exits. that everything is chaos and beautiful and light and butterflies. the euphoria of the moment doesnt dissapear when u stop taking that drug, stop sleeping with that guy, stop drinking, stop putting on a mask, stop pretending that everything is ok.
cos everything is not ok. the world is not ok. the world is a screwed up place and we have to live in it. the only way out is death. so make the most of this life, or indulge yourself in ur flaws so that u live in a deep hole of anguish and pain and depression for ur whole being.
go back to being a child- where has all our innocence gone? it evaporates from our souls as we grow up. tho some of us never grow up, we dont know how to grow up. stuck in a moment of the past and never moving beyond that point. not mentally or emotionally- only physically. we grow old and get wrinkles and grey hair yet dont know what the fuk we’re doing. how has the human race become like this? a mass just existing in time. time that we will never get back.
how precious is time? ask a dying person that and theyll tell u its everything. but me and you, time doesnt matter. live in the moment or live for the future- we think we r invincible. i think i am invincible. i cannot die. the world is against me on this one.
its like i am an immortal being. trapped here.
we alllllll KNOW frogs GO laaaaaaa diiiD AAA di DA
Posted by: Administrator Post date: August 12th, 2009
so im sitting here in the swan valley middle of nowhere and im wondering how the fuck i got here? i think i drove myself.
she drove hers. she id funny bitch um i think the mailub got to her fcace.
um they dont GO glop GLOMP GLOOOOOOOOOOOOMP
CHARLOTTE FUNNY BIATCH!
haha we are drinking malibu and singing to random songs vincluding tracey chapman. im wondering if charlotte will do the creme shoot again.
family is being a hoe… dont know wat to do cos im all alone……. theres no one here beside me!!!!!!! but u gota have faith lol!
HAH AHA HA FUKEN SHIT BIO
corina doenst know shit. UWE ARE THALKKING FOTORS and foint o see how how they tuurn out wen we give them to the nie lady at the printersssss. she will be black and she wears a blue cap/.
char likes to think she can rhyme but really shes a WIGGA she wants to be black lol! shakin that non booty of hers thinkin she’s the damn shit.
i am thinking that maybe i should have another drink… another malibu and pinapple or perhaps a vodka bitch drink… i like them damn bitch drinks.
tristan has funny toes. he has webbed feet like ive never seen b4, its the strangest feeling seeing these webbed toes and knowing that i cant escape them.
she wants to shov the redc luighrt up her dfannnnny corinaaaa
hahahhahahahahnhahahahahahahhahaha
she sa fu,kt mbitch
watever…some ppl think im tapped but really im jus INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
