Remembering You
Posted by: Administrator Post date: May 17th, 2010I remember when I was a young girl and met you. I thought you were funny, an outgoing crazy guy that always knew how to have fun. You drew people towards you like a moth to the flame. And I could tell that you loved. You loved people- all types of people no matter where they were from or what their background was. You had a cheeky smile and a hilarious personality, that would more then often get you into trouble. You weren’t just a funny guy though. I watched as you would put all your time and effort into helping people, serving people. Doing whatever needed doing even if it inconvenienced you. You were always ready to go the extra mile, even if you weren’t asked.
I remember when I was a teenager and knew you. You were like my big brother. You always looked out for me and tried to protect me. You defended me when everybody else turned against me. You hung out with me and treated me like I was someone special. You always looked for the best in me, though I struggled so much to see it myself. You were there when I was hurting. You were there when I was angry. Or putting up a fight. Or causing trouble. Or just being me. You were always there. You made me laugh when I could see no other option but death. You came and saw me at my worst and still loved me. When they put me in the hospitals, you were there- playing connect4 with me and the other ‘crazy’ people. You made me laugh. You made them laugh. When you came to those depressing white walled hospitals, you brought with you a sense of hope. A trickle of light in the darkest places. You cried for me when I couldn’t cry for myself. You hoped for me when I had no hope. You fought for me when everyone else had given up.
I remember when I went to rehab. I wrote you letters and you wrote me back. I kept them as a reminder that someone back home was waiting for me to come back better and healthy. I still kept them when I came home. You were across the other side of the country but you still kept faith in me, believing that God would bring me through. And he did. And I came home better. But only for a little while, before I fell back into the darkness. But even when I did, you were still there. And you never stopped believing in me.
I remember when I grew up. When we both did. And you were my lover and I was yours. You walked with me through the darkest times of my life. You took the blame for what others had done, suffered the consequences that others deserved. You loved me unconditionally no matter what I did. I hurt you, and you hurt me, but you never left. You promised me you would be there until the day I died, and prayed it would be a day in life later rather then sooner. You stood by me and took it all- the good, the bad, the mess, the anger and pain, the constant tears that flowed from my eyes. Bu through it all you taught me how to smile again.
I remember the day you walked away. A piece of me died, and the regret set in. I’d driven you away, and this time you were really gone. I saw YOU for the first time properly. I saw the pain I’d caused you, the weariness in your eyes, the downcast spirit of your broken heart from me hurting you time and time again. I saw how you had surrendered up your dignity to love me. I felt what you felt for the first time, and it broke my heart. The pain was so much I thought it would kill me. But it didn’t. The pain I’d felt for you was only a small glimpse of how you felt- what I’d put you through. I saw how selfless you had been, and how selfish I had been. I saw you through the eyes of love. Not through the eyes of a young girl, or a rebellious teenager, or a helpless addict, a lover, a friend. I saw YOU. I saw you how God sees you. How I should have seen you to begin with. I saw where I’d gone wrong, where we’d gone wrong. How you loving me with everything you had, had finally taken its toll on you. I saw you burn out. I saw you hit the road and collapse. But I saw you get back up again.
I remember you still. In the dark hours when there is no noise. When I have nothing to fill my mind and keep me busy. I remember everything we’ve been through, and I wish now I could have treated you better. But I cannot take back time. I cannot change the past- only the future. And how I see and treat you now. If you ever wonder if you’ve lived your life right, then I can say that to me, you have. You loved me with everything in you, and it changed my life. You gave me hope, you spoke life to me, to never gave up. You have walked your life IN LOVE. And when I see you now and remember you, I pray that you have the strength to keep walking in love.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude. Love is not self conceited or easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not be glad about injustice but rejoices in the truth. Love always believes, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
