The sky is falling and i float up towards the heavens
Posted by: Administrator Post date: July 23rd, 2010The days and weeks and months have continued to go on.
Time does not stop for anyone. Or anything.
I wonder when this never ending cycle will be broken, if it ever will be, and if there is really an eternal purpose in all of this.
my heart does not stop beating though sometimes i wish it would.
friends have come, and then gone. some have stayed on and bravely soldiered on with me in the battle, whilst others have given up the fight and left me at the front of the battlefeild to fend for myself.
Apparently sometimes we can get a little bit too messy for people’s liking. and thats when they go. I dont blame them. In the name of god they preach with their mouths and yet they speak contrite to the word. i wonder if their own heart has been so damaged it hurts them to look at others who seem so defiled.
what makes someone defiled? too much for another human being to stand the sight of them? We look at others and are disgusted by their actions, yet we dont realise that we are looking straight into a mirror… and we dont like what reflection we see.
So its not a pretty picture….what to do, what to do? i ask myself that sometimes. and i think well right about now would be a good time to hit up the psychs and get me a script. Because of course, by societys standards, if we’re asleep, or perhaps just stoned off our head on meds, then we’re all ok.
I did an art piece in 2007, my first year of uni- it was titled “Prozac Nation”. my god it was an amazing piece of art. its a pity it was destroyed from the rain and cold which ran the hundreds of pictures of prozac ink all together creating one big mess. I wasnt smart enough back then to take pictures of my work… or document it. maybe its time for “Prozac Nation #2″…. that would be fabulous.
So my time is ticking away and yes im wasting it writing on a computer… something that only a few people will ever read… unless i died then got famous- thats how it seeems to work for artists, only God knows why. no one appreciates their work until no more of it can be made. LOL. how ironic.
the seasons of life are just washing over me. passing me by like waves hitting the sand. and each footprint forward i make it is erased by the water’s tide that constantly flows in… a metaphor for my angels and demons i suppose.
I miss the old times. good memories were made and terrible ones too. but at least the people i made those memories with were a part of my life. they are long gone now. ‘caring’ from a distance, as they say. I do not hold much knowledge or hope for the future memories. they are blacked out by a darkness that is so comforting to me. I know they are there, they are just covered, unrevealed and unknown. another decade of hell? or maybe i will see a little bit of heaven.
AND NOW- the present. it is this moment. and i am floating through the clouds hovering over myself in this time. watching, waiting, for the next thing to happen. I see myself from above and below. I am a stranger looking in. And yet i am a prisoner looking out.
i wonder when my time will come. come for what, im not sure of.
